My mom Patricia Jane Searle and her brother Michael SearleSo tonight I went out to dinner with a bunch of my girlfriends from my ward. There were 8 of us and it was such a blast to just sit and talk, the time flew by and before we knew it it was 10:38 and the restaurant had closed at 10:30 :) We went out because our dear friend Andrea needed a break from all the stress she has been under lately....I say lately but really things have been quite a handful for her for about 6 1/2 years. Andrea has 3 adorable sons, Ethan age 6, Peter age 3 and Zachary almost 18 months. Andrea's oldest son Ethan was born with brain damage and is fed with a feeding tube and has been confined to a wheel chair. Andrea and her husband have taken such great care of Ethan and have loved him and given him the best life he could have. It must be an emotional roller coaster that they are on because he is in and out of the hospital constantly. At the end of February, Ethan came down with RSV which in normal healthy children it causes cold symptoms, but with children like Ethan who have compromised lungs and immune systems it could be fatal. When they returned home after an extended hospital stay three days later he was back in the ER with a high fever and another lung infection – this time a secondary pneumonia. Then in April, he came down with bronchitis. Then in June he spiked a high fever and had “junky” lungs, so he was back in the ER where they diagnosed him with Influenza A – again, not a life-threatening infection to those who have normal immune systems, but for him, it was much more serious. Many times they thought it was the end and prepared themselves mentally for that and then he would bounce back. The other two children have had to go to babysitters and have had their normal routines mixed up which can be hard for a small child. Listening to Andrea made me realize all the sacrifices that her family has made to take care of one of Heavenly Father's beloved children with special needs. They can't just pack up and go on an overnight vacation. They constantly are having to suction out Ethan's lungs or have a nurse there with them at all times to help with his care. They are unable to have the family just hop in the car and make a run to McDonald's. So many things that we all can simply do are impossible for their family with the needs that Ethan has.
Tonight really made me realize that I have never stopped to think about what my grandparents and my mom and her siblings went through when they were young with their handicapped brother. My Uncle Mike was born when my Grandma Searle was sick and so therefore he was severely handicapped. He was able to walk for a short period in his younger years, but then was confined to a wheel chair for the vast majority of his life. The doctors said he would live to be about 12 years old and it wasn't until he was about 55 years old that he passed on. And even then with his extended life it was very hard for my Grandma to let them pull the plug and to be there for his last breath. Listening to Andrea made me realize the sacrifices and the hardships that it makes for the siblings. I then realized why my grandparents took my uncle to the American Fork Training Center to live. He was about 11 years old when he went to live there. I think now a days more and more people are using home nurses instead of sending their loved ones to a center like the one my uncle lived in. So I came home and immediately called my mom to ask about her life as a child and to find it was very hard for my grandparents to make the decision to put him in the center. The doctors were supportive and helped them to see that they had 2 other children at home whose lives they couldn't put on hold while so much of their time was spent taking care of my uncle and his many needs. I remember the Training Center very well. We always went and visited my uncle and would bring him back to our house for dinner. We would play games with him and if the game had dice you better look out because he could chuck them clear across the room :) His favorite game was "Help Your Neighbor" (an old family favorite). He was so cute and would always ask my sisters and me to marry him :) He had one arm that was very strong and could hardly use the other arm. We learned early on to walk past him on the side of his weak arm because if we forgot and went near the strong arm he would reach out and grab us and hug us to him and wouldn't let go until we yelled out for my mom or dad's help to release his grib :) Another fond memory is when we would go to California to visit my grandparents and they would have him there for a visit and they would put an inner tube around his head, one around his mid section and one around his legs and he would float around the pool. He loved it and it was fun to see him enjoying the recreation. At the annual Searle family Christmas party there was never a dry eye when he and my grandpa would get up to sing "Walking in a Winter Wonderland". And each year one of my mother's aunts would bring Mike an oatmeal box that was wrapped in tin foil and filled with chocolate chip cookies. They always looked so appetizing, but they were Mike's special treat.
I have always been grateful to have Mike in my life. Some people are very afraid of people with disabilities but I feel my uncle Mike has opened up my heart to them. I did a Young Women's project one year where I would go and decorate the Training Center for the different holidays and we would spend time there visiting other residents. My Uncle Mike and my friend's son Ethan truly are Heavenly Father's gift to us to teach us compassion, service and unconditional love. And I know my grandparents and my friend Andrea and her husband Chris are truly going to be blessed for taking the time to care for these special children of our Heavenly Father.
(P.S. to my siblings...I would love to hear your memories of Mike)
8 comments:
Jeff remembers "walking in a Winter Wonderland".... and "I know you love me"
Okay, this post brought a smile to my face. I have actually been telling Savannah stories from "when I grew up" and Uncle Mike has been the topic of conversation a few times. She LOVES hearing stories about him, and about how we grew up. A few of her favorite stories about uncle Mike are how he would get "stink water" aka "Old Spice" from Grandpa every Christmas. She also loves how Grandpa Searle and Uncle Mike would call each other "Bird Bath" and wind their finger in the air around their ear a few times, then point it at the other a few times as if to say "you are crazy in the head" :)
Grandpa Searle also had quite a struggle to carry Mike's dead weight every time he had to use the restroom. He would go under his shoulders from behind and hug his chest, and say, "I'm just Waltzing Matilda!" as he would stuggle and maneuver to the bathroom.
Another favorite memory is one that I have NOT shared with Savannah. :) It's when dad would call on Mike to say the prayer, and he would say bad 4 letter words. "And d*mn it! I KNOW these people love me." (as he would open his eyes and look at all of his family around the table. All of us kids would giggle at the sound of him getting away with saying naughty words during a prayer. :)
Oh yeah! Uncle Mike LOVED games. He loved the candy bar game, and the number game. One time when we were playing, he was sitting at the dining room table, and I was walking by in the kitchen coming out of the restroom. Uncle Mike had the dice, and instead of rolling it on the table, he threw it at me! Hard!!! So then it became a game. He started playing "dodge dice" as I would run back and forth through the kitchen, and he would try to nail me with dice!!!!
Sara..... don't even think about it, this happened in MY childhood, not yours. Don't even think about saying he was throwing the dice at you. :)
Savannah has played the number's game once, and like playing a game that Uncle Mike used to like to play
I'll tell you another story about my childhood and Uncle Mike. When we lived on Elgin Avenue in SLC, we had a two bedroom home. With Mike and Jeri and I, it became vital that we "add on" to the house. So, a bedroom was added on behind Mike's room. In order to get to our room, Jeri and I had to sneak through Mike's room and hoped each time that he wouldn't hear us or he would swat us with his strong arm. Many times he would be listening to the Bees baseball game on the radio in his room and we thought we were safe - his eyes were closed. Inevitably, he would hear us and we would get the strong arm as we tiptoed by.
Another thing I loved was when my dad would get him laughing so hard he would be crying and couldn't catch his breath or talk. It was hysterical.
We had a special neighbor who lived down the street - Ross Atkinson. He was a year younger than me, but he took a special interest in Mike ~ at age 10 or 11 that was remarkable. He spent many afternoons playing catch with Mike. Lots of times he would hold him up with the bat in Mike's hands and Ross's also. I remember pitching the ball and them swinging. Not too many connected, but we had a great time. I remember this happening even when Mike had a metal brace on his leg due to polio.
Should I go on?
Please do go on mom!!!
Sara,
I remember spending many family nights at the little fast food place and park in American Fork. We would grab take-out and go to the park to play baseball. We would each take turns pushing his wheelchair around the bases. I also remember my drill team being in parades and the training school would walk the kids along the route in the parade. It was so much fun to run up and give Uncle Mike a hug. He would then turn to his buddies and say, "She sure does love me." He truly was a blessing in all of our lives!
Love you!
Heidi
I too remember Uncle Mike's "stink water" and how he would go back and forth with Grandpa Searle as they teased each other. I remember him playing possum as Sara, Kim, and Heidi would walk by and then give them a wallop with his strong hand. I remember Sara and Kim in tears in at least a few occasions because it was really a powerful smack. I also remember he had a special relationship with Dad and would really respond well to him. Of course, who could forget the games of "love your neighber" and the number cards. I think we all miss the times when Uncle Mike would get laughing so hard he was in tears. I agree with Sara that we all learned to love Uncle Mike and appreciate God's sons and daughters with mental and physical challenges.
--Tyler
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